Gifts To Get Your Wife If You Want A Divorce—this list works two ways: if you don’t want a divorce, avoid giving her anything below at all costs. However, if you do want a divorce, be sure to use this list. Stubborn women may take multiple doses of these gifts.

Gifts That Say “Know Your Place”

GreenWorks 25022 12 Amp 20-in 3-in-1 Electric Lawn Mower

Anything that involves putting housework on her shoulders is an effective gift for getting a divorce. Use accordingly—some women do see dusting as their only joy in life—I just don’t know any of them.

1. Vacuum cleaner

2. Set of saucepans

3. Lawn mower

Gifts That Say “It’s All About Me”

Excel Ball-Bearing 5 Drawer Tool ChestThese are they stuff you are thrilled to receive. You rationalize that she certainly likes what you like. No, you are wrong.

4. Video games

5. Tool chest

6. Remote control plane

7. Season tickets for the Dodgers (or whatever your team is)

Gifts That Say “Lose A Few Pounds”

BalanceFrom High Accuracy Digital Bathroom Scale with 4.3Anything that reminds her about her expanding waistline is lethal. You might be right about her waistline, but it doesn’t give you the right to say it out loud.

8. Gym membership

9. Liposuction plastic surgery

10. Bathroom scale

11. Jenny Craig program

12. Treadmill

Gifts That Say “You Are Getting Old”

Clarity Amplified Photo PhoneEveryone gets old, but do you have to keep reminding her?

13. Bifocal reading glasses

14. Hair dye

15. Phone with large buttons

Gifts That Say “I Am Over You”

STDThis is the most effective of all.

16. STD

Comments? Any suggestions about these gifts to get your wife if you want a divorce? Tell us your experience? Do share!